


I'll be good I promise

by ColorfulStabwound



Series: The chronicles of Teddy and James [3]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Crying, F/M, Hogsmeade, Hogwarts, Hurt, Love, M/M, POV Second Person, the Shrieking Shack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-22
Updated: 2014-10-22
Packaged: 2018-02-22 03:37:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,171
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2493014
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ColorfulStabwound/pseuds/ColorfulStabwound
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It had started innocent enough; or as innocent as you and Teddy alone after curfew can be.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I'll be good I promise

**Author's Note:**

> Some details of this story are directly affected and taken from The Color Of Envy Part 2 in The Color of Deception series by Unkissed.
> 
> For Teddy, the only person James could ever truly love.

A week. It sounds like such an insignificant span of time in the grand scheme of things, but to you, a week feels like an eternity. You feel each and every minute of every single hour as it passes you by, each subtle tick of the second hand on your wristwatch a steadfast reminder that your life was slowly passing you by.

 

It had been a week since that night you found yourself in Teddy’s private quarters. A week to mull over painful memories of sleepy kisses and reverent touches that you can’t shake, no matter how hard you try.

  
And Merlin, do you try.

 

It had started innocent enough; or as innocent as you and Teddy alone after curfew can be. You hadn’t missed how overwhelmed he was or the way he seemed to be drowning beneath the weight of his new job. You pride yourself on being capable enough to look past his exterior to see what _really_ lies beyond, and although there was a lot that you wish you didn’t see in Teddy, what you do see makes your heart ache. Naturally you wanted to help, and that is precisely how you ended up alone together in Teddy’s private rooms. You hadn’t meant for it to get so far; hell, you didn’t even think that Teddy would _let_ it get that far, but before you knew what was happening you were kissing on the bed and you had never felt as whole and complete as you did in those fleeting handful of moments.

 

As with every moment involving Teddy and you for the last few years, it ends just as abruptly as it had started. You feel that old familiar sting of rejection twisting your heart to a pulp as he tries to take control of the situation as gently as he can. You are indignant and hurt because you don’t merely love Teddy, you _know_ him. You’ve been studying him long enough to know when he’s full of shit, and it is his lies that hurt the worst. Every time.

 

By the time you take your leave, you are shaking with a fury that you don’t often entertain. You don’t even bother sorting your clothing proper, and you curse Teddy Lupin all the way back to Gryffindor tower. You ask yourself why it is that you allow yourself to fall into these situations, which only makes you manage a strangled laugh because apparently even _you_ are capable of stupid questions. You tolerate Teddy’s presence and accept his abuse because you love him, and love, at least in your eyes, is unconditional.

 

It is behind the cover of drawn curtains that surround your four-poster when you decide that maybe Teddy needs a dose of his own medicine. You are _so_ tired of feeling like a lovesick fool, even though that is precisely what you are. When you sleep, the ghosts of reverent touches and pink hair haunt your dreams like nightmares, and when you wake up the next morning you are resolved to not only turn the tables, but flip them the fuck over and bust their legs.

 

Saturday morning breakfast in the Great Hall.

Your friends and housemates surround you and although you don’t show it, you’ve never felt so solitary. You refuse to let your gaze wander up to the staff table and instead you focus your attention on talking Quidditch with Sebastian and several other team members who are sitting around you. You take brief opportunities when no one is looking at you to clench your jaw and shove your thoughts and feelings deep into your subconscious because it is the only _real_ way you are going to make it through the rest of this school year. Each moment of each day following the kiss goes much like this. You do not afford yourself the time to dwell on Teddy’s fucked up sense of reasoning beyond the privacy of your own bed because you know that if you do, you may very well lose yourself in the despair of it all.

 

By the time Friday rolls back around you have successfully made it through five days of classes and meals under the same roof as your god-brother. No longer are you the ally that he didn’t ask for, and although you haven’t _really_ gone out of your way to make Transfiguration class hell for him, you are still mildly amused by Teddy’s thoughts and emotions that are practically written all over him. Catie Finnigan has taken to draping herself on your shoulder and you haven’t bothered to remove her, if only because you know it drives him crazy. Sure, he would never say it, and he is aces at hiding it, but you know it’s there because you know Teddy.

 

It was dinner when Teddy walked right up to the Gryffindor table and requested a word, and although your heart was in your throat, you pulled off indifference like a champ.  Out in the corridor you wanted to laugh because here you were, face to face with Teddy Lupin – asshole extraordinaire, looking on as he attempted to school you in moral ambiguity. It was fucking comical, really.

  
Of course, Teddy knows better than to try authoritative strong-arming on you, but he does it anyways because he is clueless of how to deal with you now. His earnest attempt to steer you in the _right_ direction was met with resistance and a smart remark because, well, you are James Potter and Teddy no longer was afforded a reprieve in your eyes.

 

By the time he is stalking away from you, your chest is painfully constricted with anger, but the despair runs deeper still. You hate him for making you feel like this, but you know that no matter what he does you cannot help but love him. And that hurts the worst of all.

  
The party in Gryffindor tower goes on as expected and although you partake in your fair share of the festivities, a part of you is still thinking about Teddy. By the time you sneak away from the celebration it is obscenely late, and you only stop off in the dorms long enough to grab the Marauder’s map from your bedside table before slipping out of the entrance and into the darkened castle.

 

_I solemnly swear that I am up to no good._

Your wand taps against the worn and well-used parchment and it immediately comes to life. You know that you are being reckless. The last thing you need is to be on the receiving end of yet another one of Teddy’s rejections, but you cannot help yourself. Your need to see him outweighs logic and so you go. Teddy isn’t in his quarters; you find that out relatively quickly upon closer inspection of the map. You come to a stop in the middle of the hall and hold your wand close enough to see the spread of parchment more clearly. Your brow furrows in confusion because you honestly have no clue where Teddy would be at this hour. It is several minutes later that you finally locate his set of footprints, cutting a wobbly path up the walk that connects Hogsmeade to Hogwarts. Your pulse instantly quickens and you are about to head towards the entrance to the castle when you realize Teddy’s footprints are not alone; there, cutting an equally wobbly path beside his, are a set of footprints labeled _Parvati Patil._

 

Again your brows knit together and you stand in the shadowy cover of darkness and watch the pair of feet in rapt attention. Perhaps Teddy was simply escorting Professor Patil back from Hogsmeade, the nervous thud of your heart was completely unwarranted at this point. By the time the pair of footprints make it inside the castle you are frozen with a sick curiosity that is quickly turning into dread with each step they take _away_ from the first floor Transfiguration classroom.

 

By the time you smack the map with your wand and mutter a ragged _Mischief Managed_ , you have seen more than you need to and you feel sick. You bypass Gryffindor tower and scramble blindly up staircase after staircase. You run until you are out of breath but you cannot escape the knowledge of what you have seen. You lean your forehead against the icy stones of the wall and you shut your eyes and suddenly, the hurt of rejection doesn’t seem so bad because **this** feels unforgiveable.

 

You have never been the type to overflow with emotions. Your siblings, for sure, but not you. You are flippant and dismissive and have turned the act of laughing everything off into an art form. Teddy may be too stupid to realize it, but he is the first _real_ thing that you’ve allowed yourself. In just a handful of years, your love for him has successfully broken down every emotional barrier that you possess. You feel hopeless and broken, but more than anything you feel stupid because he is never going to love you back and you don’t have any idea how to cope with that.

 

This is really all it takes before you actually _are_ crying, and once you start you find it impossible to stop. When you press your back against the stone wall and slide down into a crumpled heap on the floor, you hug your knees and this is where you remain. It will be hours before you find your way back to Gryffindor tower and although you will lie in your bed and stare at the overhead, you will not sleep because you are scared to fucking death of what you will see when you shut your eyes.

 

 By the time you are dragging your arse into the Great Hall for breakfast you feel shattered in more ways than one. Your eyes are puffy and pink from lack of sleep and too many tears and you are silently daring anyone at all to say a fucking word about it. Goosebumps crop up all along your arms as Teddy shuffles into the Hall and you watch him behind lowered lashes as he drops into his chair and tries to

humanize himself with some caffeine and food. When he leaves, you follow, because you are a sucker for his punishment, but also because you _had_ to know.

 

When you catch up to him he is attempting to disappear down an unused corridor, but you are not so easy to lose. “Where were you last night?” You ask him, and it stops him in his tracks and when he turns his gaze on you, you want to die.

 

“I was out at the Leaky Cauldron, with the other Professors.” He replies with the faintest hint of annoyance that you do not fail to notice.

 

You want to roll your eyes at him but you press the subject further still. “After the Leaky Cauldron, where were you?”

 

Teddy huffed impatiently as he spoke, “I went to bed.” And he was gazing at you like he just wanted you to get to the point.

 

“Whose bed?” You cut in, and when your brows raise you hold your breath because this was do or die.

 

“My bed.” He says after barely a moment’s hesitation and the sting of yet another lie slaps you hard across the face. You really shouldn’t be surprised; after all, what had you expected him to say? Would it have been an easier pill to swallow if Teddy had come out and said he had spent the night with Professor Patil? Somehow you doubt it.

 

“You fucking liar.” You say through partially grit teeth, and when you reach for the Marauder’s map in your back pocket, the tiniest flicker of understanding and belated realization on his face does little to pacify your anger.

 

 

By the time the conversation is over, you are the one walking away and Teddy has taken the map away from you. It didn’t matter to you that it was rightfully more his than it was yours. Your uncle George had passed it down to you during Christmas holiday your first year, and you’d been using it to your advantage every since.  Of course, you didn’t bother arguing any of that to Teddy, if he wanted the map you’d make sure he lived to regret it, and it was right at this precise moment that you hatched an ugly plan of revenge that you hoped would break Teddy just a _fraction_ of how much he’d broken you.

 

Catie Finnigan started a chain reaction of events. It was she with whom you found yourself out alone with after curfew, and they way she purred compliments in your ear managed to sufficiently distract you from the constant aching black hole that Teddy had left in your chest; at least for a little while. You had always pictured your first time with Teddy, but what was the point of holding out for impossible dreams anyways, right? Catie was all soft curves and cherry flavored kisses that were completely different from Teddy’s kisses, and when you saw his face and the sickly color of his hair the next day in class, you were grimly pleased by the results of your activities the night before. 

 

You gave Teddy something to look at on the map every single night for a week, and no matter how many fingertips twisted in your hair or how many lips pressed against yours, you couldn’t shake the memory of his touch or how his body felt pressed against yours.

 

It was a Sunday when you decided you weren’t angry any more. You were draped across the sofa in the Gryffindor common room, staring out the window at the sunshine just beyond the beveled glass. Your mind couldn’t help but wander back to Teddy and as your mouth tugged down into a slight frown, you realized that no matter what he had done or what you had done, it didn’t change how you felt.  He was the last person you ever wanted to hurt, even though he practically killed you every time he looked at you. You heaved a heavy sigh and pinched the bridge of your nose because your actions the past week have been anything but exemplary. You have let your anger overshadow your hurt and in the end you had only hurt yourself.

 

When you finally decide to go and talk to him you don’t think twice about showing up at his classroom unannounced. Since you don’t have the map you have no way of knowing _where_ he is _,_ but you have to at least try.  When you tap on the closed door you wait and you are mildly surprised when he opens it a short while later. A long moment passes between you and nothing is said. He looks different somehow, but you tell yourself that it is your imagination. When he smiles tentatively at you, you grin and you instantly feel a little better.

 

“Come to Hogsmeade with me.” You blurt out and then you laugh because you are absolute shit at subtlety.

 

“Well, I…” The apprehension is there in his tone and you ignore it because you are determined to get back what you had, even if it wasn’t even much of anything at all.

 

“I’ll be good, I promise.” You offer him your very best smile and when he laughs his entire face lights up in a way that makes your heart clench in your chest.

 

By the time you finally coax him out of the castle, the sun is high overhead and its warmth makes you feel alive.  To the world outside you two could be anyone at all. Brothers, friends, hell, even classmates. Yeah, Teddy isn’t nearly as old as he thinks he is.

  
Today you’ve left all of your titles back at the castle and you are just Jamie, and he is just Teddy. Hogsmeade seems like another world and you are grateful that he decided to join you, even if it’s only for a change of scenery. 

At the Three Broomsticks you eat a light lunch and Teddy sits across the table from you and although you _think_ it is guilt you see in his eyes, you are beginning to wonder if that is what it is at all.  “I’m sorry.” You say quietly, and you can tell by the mild surprise written on his face, that he understands all that that simple apology entails. “I am too, really.” He says as he leans forward and then he smiles again and you feel like maybe you really _can_ go back to being Jamie and Teddy after all.

 

Shoppe hopping isn’t something you are really interested in, but Teddy makes it terribly so. For the day you can both pretend that there isn’t this thing between you and you can revel in the simple joy of spending time together.

 

Down at the edge of town you sit side by side on a riverbank and you stare across the water at the shadowy and splintered remains of the shrieking shack. You don’t say anything at all and you don’t miss the way his eyes tug down at the corners.

 

“You know, the entrance still exists.” You say as you look at him and when he tears his gaze away from the old house to look at you, you feel like you could split in half.  

 

“I know.” He replies and then you both turn your attention back across the murky water. 

 

No words pass between you for a long while, but when his fingers curl around yours, your breath catches in your throat and you smile.

 

“This belongs to you.” He says quietly as he presses a worn scroll of parchment into your free hand and when you glance down at the Marauder’s map you cannot hide the surprise in your eyes.

 

“But I thought you said it wasn’t good for me.” You reply and then you wait and try and focus on how warm his hand is, still closed around yours.

 

“Sometimes the things we think are bad for us, aren’t really bad at all.” His gaze looks right through you as he speaks and you can’t help but hitch a breath. It is impossible to discern if the conversation had ceased being about the map, but you realize that it doesn’t even matter.

 

When he smiles you think you can see forever reflected back at you and when his lips brush the back of your hand you bite down on your bottom lip to stifle an uncertain whimper.  Teddy has never looked as content as he did at this moment, and if you didn’t know any better you would think that he didn’t even regret being this close to you. It is here, right here when you notice the strands of his hair had morphed from their usual vibrant turquoise and although you were terrified to say it out loud, your heart thudded loudly in your chest still.

 

_I love you too._

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [The Color of Envy](https://archiveofourown.org/works/2501570) by [unkissed](https://archiveofourown.org/users/unkissed/pseuds/unkissed)
  * [All Hallows Eve](https://archiveofourown.org/works/2501636) by [unkissed](https://archiveofourown.org/users/unkissed/pseuds/unkissed)




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